I sit here in the wake of Robin Williams’ suicide wondering what I could add that others already haven’t. As much as I try to avoid news-jacking, the conversation that surrounded Williams’ death fits the point I’m making today.

I want to start this flow of thought with a line from the song Follow Your Lead by Joe Budden. Joe is one of my favorite artists and I seem to resonate with so many of his lyrics.

“Always say I’ve been through worse, what if I haven’t?”

A number of responses to Robin Williams’ suicide wondered how could someone so funny, successful, and wealthy get to such a dark place. Well, anyone that has suffered through depression will tell you it has no boundaries. Depression does not check your resume, bank account, or the amount of “Likes” on your Facebook page before it sets in. Once it gets to you, its not an emotion that turns on and off from outside stimulus like happiness, sadness, and anger. In fact, it is possible to experience a burst of happiness while still being depressed. Your conscious mind can experience the happiness while your sub-conscious is still attached to the depression. Another song by Joe Budden (excuse me while I fan boy a bit in this essay) talks about how depression becomes a part of your psyche and communicates to you:

I guess depression just stepped in, an’ took-over shit like it’s known to do.
Guess it said, ‘Hey Joe, I’m going’ home with you
Turn your phone off, I need to be alone with you
I need to be in the zone with you
‘Cause I’m the only thing you prone to”
Look, I own you!”
Been with you since 10, but you startin’ to confuse me
‘Cause it’s been so long, an’ you still tryin’ to lose me.
Like, how could you show me such cruelty?
When everybody turns their back on you, Joe it’s you an’ me.
Joe, you don’t want me to see you right?
Then why you always come get me, how we re-unite?
Tell me! I know you feel for me deep in your heart;
Doctors, meetings, pills couldn’t keep us apart.
But, now you got a deal an’ you wanna get rid of me
But.. we’re roommates, I’m in your head, Joe you live with me.’

Depression is like a relationship with the darker side of your emotions.

However, the purpose of this post isn’t to talk about the realities of depression and the illness. There are plenty of great articles going around right now using Robin Williams as an example. This is about recognizing your situation and not dismissing the way you feel by comparing it to others. More importantly, not letting others validate the concern.

Your worst is YOUR worst. It belongs to no one else and it is yours to deal with. What I mean by that is if depression, sadness, pain, or other inflictions had a scale of how bad the situation is, you can only compare it your own scale and no one else’s.  If you feel you’ve hit rock bottom, if you can’t handle the torment of your own thoughts and emotions, than that’s enough to seek help. You’re the only one who knows the severeness of how you feel.

Something we hear far too often in the tragedy of veteran suicide is how veterans aren’t seeking out help because they believe they don’t need it as badly as someone else does. They hear the horror stories from the VA and they do not want to be another file clogging up the system. Their brothers and sisters need the help, and they don’t want to get in the way or take those resources.

Veterans need to be reminded that the moment they recognize a physical, mental, or emotional problem within themselves is the best time to respond to it. If we’re used to feeling a 3 on the pain scale, but suddenly feel like its a 6, its worth getting help for. Its worth being concerned about, no matter how convinced we are that others in our situation are feeling a 10 or more and need the help more than we do. In the same light, do not excuse yourself from counseling or medical assistance because others who admit to the same problems choose not to.

Going back to that opening Joe Budden line, and continuing:

“But if that holds true, here’s the lesson If you keep your head down, you might miss out on the blessing.”

Understand and take action on your troubles before it gets too much do deal with. Even worse, don’t become so passive about your own pain that it becomes habit to ignore it. Keep your eyes open to outlets and opportunities to express your state of being and you may find refuge in confidant or mentor. My significant other became that for me and it happened because I was open to it. My personal struggle was still there and I experienced the pain, but because I was willing to connect with someone and not dismiss my own trouble, I found an outlet for me, even at MY worst.

Timothy Lawson, USMC
Founder

Whatever it Takes by Joe Budden: