I’ve had hundreds of conversations about suicide. Possibly even thousands, if you count any discussion I had before I started this project. It’s not something I’ve been trying to figure out, but something I’ve been trying to understand.

This project has taught me so much about suicidal behavior. I’ve heard so many different accounts of this dark subject. Through conversation and ponder, I’ve been able to hone in on the three ideas that I believe can best derail suicidal behavior: empathy, purpose, and mentorship. There is one more idea that I’ve realized in the past month that I’ve just now gotten the words to describe.

You have to matter to someone.

It’s the most common reason for not acting on suicide. That comes from both suicidal people and those who claim they’ve never considered it.

Anyone that follows me on Facebook is probably aware of the status I made recently calling out another person for equating suicide with “cowardice.” While the comment thread filled up with friends backing me up, I had a private message conversation with the individual I was calling out. After exchanging a few unpleasant words about suicide and his conduct on Facebook in general, he told me “being aware of the burden that suicide would put on my family kept me alive several times.”

I resonated with that statement. There have been a few times in my past where I dismissed the idea of suicide because I knew what it would do to those around me.

I had a conversation with my partner about what it means to matter. We talked about how most of “selfish” and “cowardice” labeling comes from a place of betrayal. Friends and family, although still alive, can feel left behind when a loved one commits suicide. I’ve heard stories of husbands & wives feeling resentment towards their late spouses because they feel like they’ve been abandoned.

This all goes back to the emphasis I have on preventing suicide before we see the signs. We shouldn’t wait until we see someone walk towards the ledge before we intervene. We should be treating people in ways that would save them from ever considering the ledge.

Communicating to someone that they matter isn’t easy and won’t guarantee a safety net, but it will create a safety net if cast right. It’s not just telling someone how important they are when they’re experiencing depression. It’s proving to them that it’s true even while they’re happy. They have to KNOW it to be true before going into their dark space. As we’ve learned, depression leads to irrational thoughts, so rationally explaining how important they are to you may be too late at that point. They just won’t receive the information the same.

An even more profound way of looking at it: think about the influence it would have on you if you knew that you were someone else’s salvation from depression. Ponder on how it would change the way you view the value of your own life to know you’ve been their deliverance from suicide.

Timothy Lawson, USMC
Founder