I rolled into the weekend without a story ready to release on Monday. Sunday evening came, and I hadn’t made any progress. I woke up Monday morning worrying about getting it done. By the time it was 5pm, I just wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t in a good space and I didn’t want to force anything. All I needed to do was record my thoughts on the story, but I just couldn’t collect myself. I made an announcement that there would be no story this week and moved on.

I woke up this morning knowing I should still release a “Momentary Reflections” post.  I had a few in the queue and was wondering which post was best for this week. The problem was I woke up later than usual since I couldn’t motivate myself out of bed and still had some academic work that needed to be done (that didn’t get done either).

I have been in a funk for the past few days.

Tasks became more daunting and my willingness to do them faded away. Even taking action on good opportunities fell by the way side as my mind drifted off away from reality.

I finally asked myself, “what is wrong with me?” I needed to pin point it. I needed to identify the what my negative emotions were trying to get me to believe and where they came from.

Usually, for me, being in a funk means I just can’t get positive energy going. It goes a step past that once I notice the persuasions my feelings are trying to make: I’m failing, I’m alone, I should be ashamed, I’m better off dead.

When I hear these persuasions and catch myself entertaining them, I try to identify why they may be happening and what I need to do to combat them.

This all comes with practice. This is about emotional intelligence and being completely honest with yourself. Noticing your negative energy and then analyzing it sounds like I may have things under control, but I promise you it takes effort to convince myself that I can take control and recover from it.

In this particular case, I decided that my negative energy may be coming from a huge professional shift that I’m experiencing. My involvement with certain parties, my income, and my networks are all shifting at the moment. Some good, some bad, and some I’m unsure about.

Now, I could be wrong. Maybe there’s something deeper that I’m not realizing. Regardless, I decided on that stress in my life and began to combat it. I immediately began doing things that were good for me. I stood up and left the class I was in. I bought myself some food I knew I’d enjoy. I ate that lunch while talking with people I knew would make me laugh and feel good. I listened to music I enjoyed. I listened to a podcast that featured a guest I very much admire and knew would inspire me. I decided to listen to these things while going for a long walk, which is one of my favorite activities. I called up a great friend and chatted with him. I even stopped by the liquor store with the idea of getting something to “take the edge off.”

I decided against it. Not because I’m against alcohol, but because the negative energy I recognized inside of myself would not go well with it.

Instead, I gathered my thoughts and finally wrote this week’s “Momentary Reflections.”

The take away from all of this is to look inside yourself. Take a moment to only be with yourself. Figure out where your negative energy is coming from. Maybe not all of it, but at least some of it. Then, decide what you’re going to do to alter it. If you’re stressed about money, instead of figuring out how you’ll make more, go do things you enjoy that don’t cost any money. If you’re lashing out at people, figure out where your rage is coming from, and decide what you’re going to do to remedy that.

Your mind and body is one big chemistry experiment. The chemicals given off can be done so intentionally. Figure out what boosts your mood or mends your wounds, and apply them when you recognize the ugliness inside you. I just did that today, which prepares me for my next battle tomorrow.