“I read your post the other day.”
I hear that often now. Usually it gets followed up with “I thought it was good” or “I’m impressed” or “I think it’s so important that you’re doing this.”
Sometimes people are referring to one of the stories shared on Monday. Usually though, they comment on the discovery of Momentary Reflections.
Episode One was easy for me. It was just another story. It was a time in my past that I’m willing to talk about. Those moments in history that can make us feel vulnerable become liberating once we share it with someone we trust. I trust all of you. I want you to trust me.
A few weeks after the project started, I began writing these short essays. It is my way of getting more material out and allowing myself a time to process my feelings on this subject. It has forced me to be more transparent with everyday life.
When I write and record these posts each Wednesday, I hit “publish” and it is sent into cyberspace. My girlfriend will comment on it when we chat or a friend will Facebook message me with their thoughts. Those interactions never phase me since this is stuff I’d talk with my friends about anyhow.
Then someone I don’t know very well told me they had read my most recent post. The post was about recognizing my “funk.” In it, I talked about having a hard time with my emotions on Sunday and Monday. The person talking with me is someone I encounter each Monday.
Now they know. They know that my mental and emotional health is not just a story from several years ago, but it’s a part of my life right now. While my suicidal behavior is in my past, the distress that got me there is still real.
They also know it just happened. When they spoke with me on that Monday, it was there. They didn’t know it was there, but now they do.
“I’m following your posts” now means “I’m aware of your struggles. I follow the challenges and difficulties you are facing. Each time I see you, I will be reminded of what you’ve shared.”
Which is great. It’s great because nothing has changed. Six months ago, no one really knew about my story and very few people knew about my daily pursuit of peace and gratitude. Now, anyone who follows this project knows. No one treats me any differently. No one shows me sympathy or pity. No one walks on egg shells around me or apologizes when they talk about certain topics.
Most of all, no one tells me that they’re shocked, surprised, disappointed, or staggered. Probably because they get it. Maybe because they feel the same way. Or they could even be relieved that this conversation is occurring.
Instead, I get their embrace and encouragement. Every time someone points out that they’ve discovered, read, or listened to my work, I get another reason to do it again next week.
It’s not necessarily about being honest but about being transparent. Honesty is your response to someone challenging the truth. Transparency, for me, is about challenging myself to be truthful when it’s not required.